in late 2024 i played a game called pseudoregalia and i loved it. i think it's a real special 3d platformer. this was also in my peak content era so i wanted to make a video review for it. it is now early 2026. this decision has been rattling around in my head the entire time.
i made that video today.
at the start of the new year (2025) i wrote the first draft of the script. this was the first script i've ever written, and i could not figure out what the tone should be. what is my voice? what was the point of this video? i settled on a 5 min skim of the basics of the game and why i thought it was interesting. this script was boring.
i rewrote it to spice it up but frankly, i don't have the experience to write an interesting script. why would I? this is the first time doing it! so to supplement it, i smashed in a ton of goofs to edit in to try and maintain the attention of the viewer. even though i found them funny, i was still unsure if this was the video i wanted to make.
i started filming in march. i crushed out the voiceover in an hour or so with a few retakes and filmed a lil irl segment in my apartment for the opening. i think they turned out pretty good all things considered, although i still find it tough to listen to myself back. editting started shortly after.
i completed about a minute of editting including putting in one of the bits i wanted to run when my motiviation to make this slowed. i wasn't proud of teh script, i began to think the overeditting was cringe, i didn't feel like this was an interesting video. so it sat on my desktop for a day.
a day became a week.
a week became a month.
i moved apartments.
a month became a year.
and the entire time i pondered
what do i do about this?
i put real authentic effort into everything up to this point, and it didn't live up to my expectations. i wanted to throw it away. but i didn't want to abandon the effort that got me this far. i was conflicted on the tone i wanted to take, or if i was even interesting enough to share anything at all. i thought about all of this frequently over the past year and a half. i got upset that i couldn't make something creatively valuable. all this despair over a 5 minute blurb about a game i liked.
it bothered me and bothered me and one day i had enough. maybe the script is ass, and maybe the editting is corny, but at the end of the day, its something. its's something i made on my own. so fuck it.
i decided to finish the video.
the finished product is exactly that; a 5 minute brief glance at a game you might have heard of, with some jokes shoved in that i like, and some insights that I fear will come off as surface level readings. i didn't have the heart to edit the script or rerecord anything, so the edits are jarring at times. and i have no idea if anyone will ever see this
i don't know what to do with the video. it might go up on youtube for the "world" to see, or it might sit on this website for a handful of friends to see, or it might never see the light of day.
but it's done. i did it. i didn't quit, or throw it out, or destroy it out of embarassment. it's my earnest attempt to make an enjoyable review. it's putting this lurking thought that i've kicked down the road for a yaer and a half to rest. it's proving that if i really focus, i can make something.
and that is something i'm proud of.